Marky asked me lots of probing questions! And I spoke quite a lot about my early influences , Gary Numan etc , and the difficulties of music during lockdown.
Interview with DJ Donald Strachan on Wasp Radio
What a strange time we find ourselves in. I really haven’t felt like making any music with all this death and disaster going on. Lost 3 hard-won gigs and 1 close family member. When music is your pleasure , and your escape, this is a demoralising time. Writing dark songs about death, doesn’t appeal for once, it’s a “be careful what you wish for” situation.
I admire the bedroom guitarists who have leapt to fill the void with solo videos. I really miss my various bandmates, for me music is all about human interaction – reacting and riding on the vibe of the audience, making a 2way connection. You can’t do that with solo videos.
However, week 7 of lockdown, after attending a Zoom course on setting goals, I convinced myself to at least get my guitar out. We have to push through our comfort zones, to reach our goals.
I know my self-pity is petty in the grand scheme of things, but people ask me ‘why don’t I do this, why don’t I do that’. My first thoughts were sorting out my dispersed family, and trying to hang onto my photography work that brings me income that music doesn’t. Like many, I have days when I am tearing my hair out over the government’s slow reaction, over people flouting social distancing, I have fear for the future. We’ve just got to make small steps towards this new future. My little video below is a baby step towards my life returning to some normality.
Hang on in there everyone x
Several people are asking me about the “Gary Numan In Conversation” event that I was lucky to attend, so here’s my take on it.
I’ve been a Numan fan (“Numanoid”) since I was 9yrs old, but I’d never heard him speak at length before. His stage persona in the early years was been aloof and alienating, (part of the mystique?), so I was surprised that he could talk the hind legs of a donkey! The host was Steve Malins, (a longstanding friend of Numan,) so the conversation flowed freely. Gary said he was more comfortable to talk about himself than any other topic, he said he was shy in everyday conversations to strangers, linking this to Aspergers syndrome.
Growing up idolising Gary Numan, I had that teenage thing where I’d found a voice that ‘spoke to me’, a sympathetic voice. It creates a bond. He continues to ‘speak to’ his fans in this way, with subjects that the ageing fan base can relate to: losing a child, career blips, hope , ruin, marriage, survival, depression, and every aspect of the mid-life crisis. But hearing him talk so casually, and intimately, it lost some of the magic for me. He really is just a normal bloke and not a god after all.
He is known for being ‘humble’ about his success. He’s often shrugged the mantle of “electronic music pioneer”, and in the interview he said there were others before him working with synths, but it was his method of combining synth with guitar music, that made it palatable for the record-buying public. He talked about that chance-finding of a Moog synth in the corner of a studio, without which he might not have become famous. There’s me in the audience trying to glean what tips I can from my role model, and really he is giving it the “right time, right place” story. That is kind of depressing. Or was fate at work, giving him the notoriety he deserves?
There must be other artists who cite lucky incidents that propelled them on a trajectory towards stardom. I can’t think of any of the top of my head, can you? Maybe they keep quiet about them!
Numan spoke of how after that initial whirlwind success he had a downward spiral and almost hit rock bottom. He said that it was like starting again on the bottom rung (where I am starting out I suppose) and from there it was a lot of hard graft that gradually led to the recent chart successes of Splinter and Savage.
He spoke of his childhood; getting kicked out of grammar school for bad behaviour. It sounded like his parents and teachers were very attentive, he got sent to a doctor/psychologist before things like “aspergers” were widely recognised he said. He talked about little counting rituals he had – at this point I thought – ‘is this so unusual?’ He talked about tapping on his knees and counting to numbers – I’m sure a lot of us do this don’t we? I have little rhythms that I’ve been tapping out since a tiny child on desks and knees and things. I think people don’t talk much about these kind of things, but I think we all do them. If anything they are self-comforting, or beat-making games, brain exercises perhaps like sudoku, I wouldn’t label them as Aspergers (but I’m no expert, and allegedly women cover-up autism better than men). Music is basically all about counting, when and where things come in, its about patterns. I may have been tapping on tables as an infant but as soon as I had a guitar I was tapping on that . Do you do counting/tapping? I’m not belittling Aspergers here, there is autism in my family and it’s wonderful that a celebrity is speaking out about it.
Another thing he cited was the support of his family. It made me think he was a ‘golden boy’. Even when he set fire to his curtains by accident, he fibbed about it , pretending it was an accident and his dad forgave him. His dad bought him his guitar when he was about 14, and his parents supported him on tour in the early days as managers of sorts. At this point I recalled my parents picking me up from my band’s gig when I was a teenager, they sat at the back for the last song with their fingers in their ears. My dad reluctantly bought me a guitar for my 18th birthday after I badgered him consitantly. At that time I knew no girls or women whatsoever with guitars. How different today with Fender reporting that 50% of new guitars are sold to women! One of the questions aimed at Numan was, if his house was on fire, what 1 item would he save, he answered his 1st guitar. That guitar still appears on his recordings and performances. Mine too! You just can’t underestimate the importance of that first instrument – its like a ticket to another realm.
He talked about family a lot. He adores his wife Gemma and she is instrumental in his success, without her he couldn’t do it he said. One of his 3 daughters sings in his band! (as do mine!) and he is helping her make an album this year.
He said something about how he “loved machines because they never [deliberately] let you down”. Having suffered a Mac dying and a hacking incident last year I am not sure I agree with him on that one. But machines are fascinating and enthralling – I will give him that. Along with every other tech nerd I know, I find that machines are satisfying. You can build a synth or a radio ad its finite, much harder to get to that point with a song.
It’s hard for us fans to imagine an idol ever retiring. But Numan estimated that he had 2 more albums and tours in him. He said something along the lines of ‘a 70yr old leaping around on stage is just ridiculous.’ But look at the Rolling Stones… Being an older musician myself, I don’t like hearing about age barriers. He also implied he would consider cosmetic surgery to preserve his looks when he is older – please no Gary, none of us care about that. Perhaps that’s a bit of LA culture rubbing off on him. The whole audience there enjoy his warm and genuine personality, and his genuine music! Perhaps that’s something to do with the Aspergers, you can tell he is speaking out directly (and very eloquently) with no airs and graces. He could put his foot in it at minute, but he speaks from the heart.
He spoke about being on anti-depressants for a period of time which numbed him, his wife labelled it as his “Benny Hill” period. He described how the highs and lows were reduced by the drugs, and while people were trying to have a serious conversation with him, he was just thinking about kittens. He weaned himself off, and came back to a place where he could write music about that dark period. I can really imagine those highs and lows returning and inspiring his recent albums. I hate to say it, but as writers it helps to go through that shit so we can express passionately to others.
A new guitar is as exciting as a new baby, or a new lover, but with none of the mess.
When I was 17 I walked past the window of the only Music Shop in Ipswich and fell in love with a pink paisley Fender Telecaster guitar. I begged and begged my dad to buy it for my 18th birthday. Friends were getting practical presents like cars, tractors, horses, holidays and bikes (this was pre-computers). Only today my 82yr old mum was telling me how my dad didn’t want me to have a guitar – he was finally swayed by a stranger he chatted to on a train who was extolling the benefits of music for youngsters. I wish I could thank that man, because if it wasn’t for him I might be doing embroidery in my evenings now instead of rock. When I got that guitar home, I mainly stroked it, I had no idea where to put my hands. I have a video of me “trying on” a bandmate’s guitar when I was about 16, and I slung it over one shoulder like a handbag, no clue. When I went off to Uni, my family emigrated but the pink curvy Telecaster came with me and we remain very very close. I often sleep with my guitars.
Last week I got very excited about a particular 2nd hand Jaguar Bass I was going to buy, I told all my local muso friends about it. When I was about to collect it, the seller contacted me and told me I’d been gazumped. It was fishy. I was gutted, I’d been after this ‘discontinued” rarity for 2yrs. The next day I saw a really silly transparent yellow guitar for sale , and I was feeling “on-the-rebound”, so I went out today and bought it. Some things are meant to be.
A trip into deepest darkest Kent had me winding up what felt like a mountainside to a small estate of houses. A nice man greeted me, he had a huge tropical fish tank, a swimming pool and a wealth of beautiful guitars, he let me touch some of them. It was like a muso’s equivalent of the Playboy Mansion. The transparent guitar was still dusty from his attic. I knew it was going to be heavy, the Lucite material it is made of is nothing like the acrylic of today. He joked that you could probably kill someone with one blow of it, which felt like a good USP. It’s not a practical or particularly comfortable guitar, but nor is say, a pair of posh stilettos costing the same price. I usually haggle and drive a hard bargain (a market trader once likened me to Maggie Thatcher) but the seller was so nice I handed over my cash and put Mr. Lemony Snickets in the boot. (Probably a bit weird if I start naming my guitars). Also, guitars don’t give you bunions. If all else fails, it will look good on the wall.
It’s so fascinating to be able to peer into the body of a transparent guitar. I mentioned in a previous blogpost how I took my dad’s radio apart (to his horror) when I was a toddler just to “see what was inside”. One day I’d love to be able to build a guitar, I built a camera last week (not working perfectly yet!) and I made a lyre once with one daughter, and panpipes (from plastic tubes) with the other. I have a crazy idea for a guitar design in my head,… one day perhaps…
So now I have my transparent Wesley guitar home, I’ve been polishing it and staring at my cat through it, I’ve been shining light through it and thinking about fitting it with UV lights! It sounds pretty good for something that looks like a toy and feels like a tank. Every new instrument I handle is the start of a new song. I still don’t know where songs come from, not from inside the guitar, surely, but somehow they must. Your fingers just do the walking.
P.S. Come and see us play at the Birds Nest, Deptford this Friday 25th August 7.30pm, you’ll be safe because I’ll be on bass.
This is a picture of me today attempting to walk on water in the North Sea at Whitstable. Silly, I know, (I found a thin sandbar) but the sea fills me with magic. In a previous life I must have been a Mermaid or a Sea Witch, possibly an actual fish. I’m a Pisces, and like all water signs (are you one?) the sea pulls me like a magnet, I am literally ‘in my element’ here. It’s a great place for creative inspiration and self-reflection. Staring out at that infinite mass of blue puts your own petty problems into perspective. We miss out on this living amongst the stifling high-rise buildings in London where it’s hard to see ‘the wood for the trees’. Who hasn’t gazed out to sea and thought existentialist thoughts?
“Why do you think old people live at the seaside?” I ask my daughter. (My elderly relatives live in Felixstowe on the East Coast). Is it for the clean air, for health and longevity? For the relaxed pace of life? We see a dead seagull get cleansed by the waves, a dead crab becomes sand eventually. Death and regeneration go hand-in-hand here.
And let us not forget the immense power of the sea. I’m looking out now at the wind turbines in the ocean off Whitstable, these beauties could save us from self-destruction with fossil fuels. I recall crossing the ocean to Belgium and Holland with my dad when I was little (he was a sailor), the big waves crashing over the deck, and me throwing-up over the side, it felt so dangerous. In my twenties I ran into difficulty swimming during a boat-trip in Turkey, I had no snorkel or flippers like everyone else, they were all facedown looking at the pretty fish, a riptide swept me away and I swallowed so much water, I thought I was going to drown. I let out the biggest scream I ever have made and then my lungs filled with water, luckily someone on a boat heard me. The images of refugees being drowned at sea were uppermost in my mind when I started writing “Like The English Sea” a year ago.
“Spare me, my dignity, as your spirit crashes over me” – lyric
It’s my favourite song on the EP. It’s unusual for me to write a song about a place, (can you think of rock songs about the sea?) I’m using the sea as a simile for powerful emotions, which are like unstoppable natural forces. The guitar riff in the choruses sounds watery to me, like the waves. There are heavy shouty sections, like those sudden storms that come out of nowhere and batter you. It’s the only song from the CD “Breakables” that we have not yet added to the live set, I’ve been saving it until last. I’ll post the lyrics next time. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences of the sea if you care to leave a comment in the box below:
When I was a toddler I got into big trouble for taking my dad’s radio apart. I remember wanting desperately to find out where the music came from. I was also fascinated with my primary school teacher’s big beige cassette player. I sang lyrics over my clockwork jewellery box for hours while the ballerina span around. I pleaded for a Stylophone when I was 12, and later I had a Yamaha ‘toy’ synth that I could strap-on like a guitar. That synth taught me everything I know about modelling sound. I painted the keys with luminous nail varnish. When I was 15, I joined a very early SynthRock band called Domino Effect in Ipswich.
If I’d have been a boy I probably would have left school and worked for the local BT Engineering Centre, which was the biggest employer (behind farming) in the area. But my relationship with technology has been a precarious one. Growing up on a smallholding in the countryside, the radio I had under my pillow became my connection to another world. John Peel’s local radio shows introduced to me to Gary Numan’s records which I played relentlessly on my dad’s turntable looking out at the barren fields. What Numan was doing with synths was revolutionary, it was magical and has enchanted me from childhood to the present day.
In the digital age, we are using more “soft synths” than ever, you don’t need all those racks of knobs anymore when you can synthesize sounds using a computer program. Well, that’s the theory. Personally I hate gear like digital Amp Modellers that claim to replicate the sound of a physical guitar amp with exactitude. Blindfold me and I can tell the difference. When I recorded the EP “Breakables” I picked a studio that had a very rare 80’s Synclavier Synth – it was like a dream come true for me to use it, the sounds were rich beyond belief. Like velvet to my ears. I previewed several string sounds on it, and plumped for one which turned out to be a sample from the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra.
Last week I was lucky to see an artist called “Look Mum No Computer” perform in the back of a warehouse gallery in South London. This guy builds his own synths.
The towering machine he wheeled into the freezing cold backroom was incredible. His songs sounded amazing too. Live drum pads, distorted vocals, and god knows what else, combined with projections. I think the Futurists would have loved this. I was really pleased to see it, so many bands are going down the LAPTOP route these days which is no fun to watch, and I’m not sure I would even call it “music”.
2yrs ago, as an experiment, I made a song called “Awkward Time” entirely on my computer, it was aired on the radio but I was never 100% happy with it. It’s an indulgent song that came straight out of my subconscious after playing with an electronic drumbeat. The drumbeat came to me in my
sleep (probably after practising paradiddles repeatedly for a drum exam). The song has that ‘detachment’ that you get in a lot of electronic music. It made me realise just how much passion you tap into when you put a physical instrument like a guitar into your actual hands. I think I’ll sharpen the song up, and release it on Soundcloud this year.
Steve, Paul and Tiffany have stepped up to the mark recently to play synths at our live gigs. There will more of that this year. It’s a bit of a conundrum being a grungy guitar band with synths, sometimes promoters don’t like it… but we do what we do.
I went to see an Electronic Music night at the Tate Modern this week, part of the “Ten Days, Six Nights” event. I had high expectations, but the performances were dull and pretentious. Lorenzo Senni sat at a laptop with his hands in his lap, playing unremarkable pre-recorded dance music, in a huge room lit with static light. There are Night Clubs with more interesting music and lighting within a few minutes walk of here. I couldn’t help but feel this was an attempt to make the Tate into some late-opening nightspot with extortionate bar prices for hipster Rhubarb Soda and broccoli stems. In another space, Isabel Lewis had plants
suspended from the ceiling, and performers walking amongst the audience doing some low-key wailing, and slo-mo dance. It was a bit like B&Q on a Tuesday morning. But seriously, looking at the Tate’s program of events, there were no British Musicians there, it is a shame that this huge institution (part-funded by our taxes) is so out of touch with the really amazing stuff happening at grass roots level in this country. The underground scene cannot be beaten for creativity, and long may it exist.
1. Don’t Be A Slave To Technology
When your Mac dies and loses everything, it’s not the end of the World. When your phone dies, no-one has died. When your memory card gets corrupted and loses all your photos, it’s just bytes, not real memories. When it happened to me recently I was distraught. We are 1 step away from having devices implanted in our bodies for convenience. The next evolution of Man might be half-robot, a ManMachine Era, one that can survive the wars and environmental damage we inflict. Apple want to imprison my songs and photos and make me pay for access. Step away from the matrix!
2. Buy No Leather
Nothing beats the feel of real leather – but this year I go faux.
3. Listen To Black Sabbath
A band that passed me by! I keep catching snippets in cafes etc and asking “What is that you’re playing?”.
4. Don’t Mourn Dead Stars, Make New Ones
Back in the day, when music wasn’t pumped out of sausage factories, we had rock stars. They are all dying off now, all at once. For every gig I play, I go to see at least one other, the stars are out there, give them your light.
5. Beware The News
All News these days relies on clicks. The more clicks, the more ad revenue. Only the sensationalist stories make it through the quagmire. Don’t be fooled – there are no regulators checking that anything is “true”. If they can get people arguing, or sharing, or filling in a Petition then they have succeeded $$$$. I’ve blocked all News Sites. You cannot trust photographic or video evidence, it’s easily fabricated. I used to make TV for a living, so I know.
6. Don’t Be a Dick
- Don’t fire off emails before coffee
- Wait 12hrs before making any rants as could be PMT
7. Healing the Divide
Brexit/Trump split my friends and family into 2 warring camps. We are going to be polarised more and more in the coming years, over topics we don’t even know about yet. I will strive to make people respect the views of others, and to see all sides of any debate. Peace and understanding; our future depends on them.
8. Watch For Signs
When my dumb Pisces brain doesn’t know which way to swim, there is usually some obvious “sign” or omen that comes along and guides me. An expert once told me that my spirit guides are unusually close to me. Who knows.
9. Create, Create, Create
Let it all out before it consumes me. Oh, and I must practise the guitar more, it’s never too late!